“He’s pulling the best out of me. He’s making me a better father, a better man, a better person than before.”

At SwimRVA, we believe that aquatics has the power to transform lives. For one father and son duo, this mission comes to life every week in the pool. When Dr. Sykes signed his son, Ryan Jr. (known as RJ to most), up for swim lessons, neither of the two had any idea of the journey that they would embark on together.

Many parents want their children to pick up the hobbies and activities that they enjoyed as children, but for Dr. Sykes, his focus was on opening doors that had been closed to him. “I never learned how to swim because my mom and dad did not invest in me at all.” He recounted. “So I told myself I was going to do the opposite of that.” For Dr. Sykes, getting RJ enrolled in swim lessons was more than just giving him opportunity; it was a way to ensure that his own trauma around water did not get passed down to his son.

“I’ll never forget that day.” Dr. Sykes explained. “I was around RJ’s age and was in a pool. I couldn’t swim, so I was just making sure I didn’t go in too deep. And then, a girl jumped on my back, took me under, and wouldn’t let me up. I remember it like it just happened yesterday, and I’ve been afraid to get in the water ever since.”

Research indicates that traumatic water-related experiences can lead to phobias such as aquaphobia (fear of water) and thalassophobia (fear of deep bodies of water). With 50% of the U.S. population not knowing how to swim and 46% of adults afraid to swim in deep water, Dr. Sykes’s fears are very real and prevalent not just in Richmond but across the country.

“I told myself that my son was not going to be afraid,” Dr. Sykes reflected, “so as soon as I had the opportunity to put him in the pool, I did. I didn’t want him to be afraid of the water, and I also wanted to know if he was out somewhere with friends at the pool that he would be okay, because he can swim.”

Although RJ enjoyed the water and took frequent lessons, he was progressing at a slower pace than expected. Beginning as an innocent observation by Dr. Sykes, the moment that he questioned his son’s progress changed everything for the two.

“We were at the pool one day and I said to him, it’s taking you a long time to learn how to swim. He said, ‘Well, Dad, you never get in the pool with me.’” Taking him by surprise, the question prompted Dr. Sykes to open up with RJ. “That was the first time that I had to sit down and tell him that I was afraid of something, and that I was afraid to get in the pool.” And then a lightbulb moment happened. “I said, here’s the deal. If you learn how to swim and join the swim team, I’ll get in the pool and learn how to swim. And we shook on it.”

Since then, RJ has made rapid progress in lessons, motivated by the deal his father made with him. “He loves the water, and he’s not afraid. He’s excited, and he wants to do it. He jumps in the pool and I think ‘Wow, you aren’t scared? How do you do that?’ Every week he looks forward to coming to lessons.” With just one station to go, RJ is nearly finished with Swim School and ready to join the swim team.

“I feel like he’s holding my feet to the fire.” Dr. Sykes explained. “By making this deal, he’s forcing me to face one of my biggest fears. It’s not spiders, it’s not public speaking, it’s getting into a body of water without my feet touching the bottom. This whole deal is making me face the music, making me look in the mirror and face my fears.”

While the deal has brought certain fears to the forefront, it has equally revealed the solid father-son relationship that the two share. “He’s pulling the best out of me. He’s making me a better father, a better man, a better person than before.” Establishing a strong and healthy relationship with RJ is extremely important to Dr. Sykes, as he lacked that in his own childhood due to his parents’ drug addiction and emotional absence.

“Sometimes my dad and I would go out and cut the grass together, but outside of that, opportunities to bond and build that father-son relationship were limited because he was always high. Because he didn’t really teach me anything, I don’t have a whole lot of things that I can pass down to my son. Now, everything is going to be different. Once I learn how to swim, RJ and I can go to the pool together, we can race against each other, it’s something that we’ll have in common. Swimming is going to be our thing.”

Swimming has also been a great tool for RJ from a developmental standpoint. “My son is on the spectrum and has expressive and receptive delays.” Dr. Sykes explained. “So I’m excited to be able to get in the pool and ask him questions: ‘So RJ, how do you do this, how do you do that? How do I float?’ That right there alone will be good for building his character, building his vocabulary, being able to talk about something, and just building our relationship as a whole.”

Dr. Sykes isn’t the only one who has noticed RJ’s progress in the water. “It has been a true privilege watching Ryan Jr. grow in his swimming journey, overcoming challenges with determination and grace.” said SwimRVA Senior Programs Coordinator Sorin Holland. “His success is not only a testament to his hard work, but also a reflection of the exceptional guidance he’s received from his father and our dedicated swim instructors. As Ryan Jr. nears graduation, it fills my heart to see how his progress has inspired his dad to take the plunge and sign up for lessons himself. This is a powerful reminder of the impact our work has, both on individuals and families, and I’m deeply proud of the dedication everyone has shown in making this moment possible.”

For readers, Dr. Sykes emphasized that he “would encourage all dads to try and get their sons in the swimming pool, especially in the black community. That’s a thing our community struggles with; we don’t learn to swim. I’ve got four brothers, and only one knows how to swim because he went into the military. Outside of him, out of five boys, only one can swim. I think that’s unacceptable. So, I really encourage parents to use swimming as another avenue to build a relationship with your kid.”

***

With Swim School graduation on the horizon, RJ is nearly ready to switch roles and cheer his father on as he starts adult lessons. We cannot wait to follow the pair’s story and watch their relationship continue to flourish in this exciting next chapter!

For More Info:
Swim Lessons
Adult Swim Lessons
Dr. Sykes’s Nonprofit, POPMentality